Our Renewal Story
THE BEGINNING…
In 2019, after over a decade of full-time vocational ministry, I was done. God began to open the eyes of my heart to see how I’d been finding my sense of value in my performance, and essentially using Him and others as a means to my own gain.
In the midst of what others saw as life, family, and ministry successes, I only saw as internal failures and weariness. I was coming to the end of being able to hide the fact that I was exhausted from performing and always feeling the need to prove myself. I had lost my “WHY and my WAY.”
I was exhausted from the years of feeling the need to perform for my family, for my church, and for my peers. Feeling as though all the work and effort I put in was not producing fruit or thankfulness. I was done. Along with being done, came a lost sense of value and direction. Because my performance was what I believed made me valuable in God’s eyes and in the eyes of my fellow man. When my performance and perceived value withered, so did my hope. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Prov 13:12). I saw all these areas of life that I had genuine love for begin to slip from my grips and I had no solutions.
Rest was something I knew only by theory and burnout was becoming inevitable.
THE CHAOS & BROKENNESS
I was finally exposed to the chasm between what I believed to be true about God and what I was experiencing daily. There were questions I just couldn’t ignore any longer- questions that plagued me every day.
Why, after so many years of ministry, thousands of hours studying scripture, teaching sermons, and counseling and mentoring people, was I still not finding a sense of peace or value?
Why did I still feel like I was a letting God down?
Why did my faith weaken as my knowledge increased?
Why did previous ministry wounds and leadership failures affect my daily life in such negative ways?
Why was there talk about rest for my soul, but no actual rest?
Why was fear still an issue in my life when God had never given me a reason to fear?
Why was I unable to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind?
Why was I still not able to love like Jesus?
Why did the thought of abiding seem like a daunting task?
I knew I needed help, but felt alone, and couldn’t afford counseling. Little did I know that over the next 3 years, God would reveal the answers to all of these and begin a brand new work in and through me.
THE HELP
In 2020 after seeing several leadership failures happen in ministries around me, I knew that something had to change or that might be my ending as well. My wife and I began to pray and ask God for help. After some time, we believed the Lord was inviting us on a journey, literally into the unknown. A paid sabbatical wasn’t in the books, but God would provide through other means. We weren’t sure what that would look like or what the outcome would be, but we felt confident that He wanted to do a work in us. And we were willing to leave everything to rediscover Him.
So, we sold our house, bought an RV and headed south out of Alaska in hopes to spend some time traveling around the lower 48 with our four children seeing places, seeking the Lord, and connecting with family and friends. Little did we know that COVID would shut everything down a week after we crossed the boarder south. This ended up being the greatest blessing we have had as a family.
Because of the closures, we were forced to be fairly stationary and so begin the difficult and painful work of healing and restoration.
This started me on my own journey.
I met Greg, who is the founder of ChristLifeUSA (The material we now use) at a conference prior to this move. After a couple months of being still, I got to a place where I was desperate to have help. He began walking me through my own healing and restoration journey. Over the course of the next 5-6 months, I discovered the answers to the questions that were plaguing me, and the Spirit began closing the chasm between God’s truth and my life experiences.
I finally found the rest my soul craved and that Jesus promised. I was and still am today set free from the need to perform. I discovered my true identity and it changed EVERYTHING. I was given a sense of compassion and love for people I’d never had before, a humility that wasn’t bathed in false perceptions, a healed marriage, and a renewed spirit that joyfully surrenders to the will of God.
THE RENEWAL
We recognize the power and influence that leaders carry for the good or the bad. We want to help facilitate the renewal and restoration of leaders who can use their platforms to lead from a place of joy, rest, freedom and fullness for the good of the people and the splendor of Jesus Christ.
We returned to Alaska, and in 2021, we founded a non-profit 501c3 called Renew Alaska. We now have a team of leaders who have experienced renewal and restoration and are working with other Christian leaders in their journeys..
In 2024, I stepped into a campus pastor role with the goal of bringing this ministry into the church on a deeper level. I am very excited to announce that Rob Hunner, who has worked alongside me since the beginning, is the New Director of Renew Alaska. He is continuing to carry the mission of Renew Alaska forward into the next season of ministry. I will remain on the board of directors and continue to support Rob in his role.